I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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