You really coming over, don't trick.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
