Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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