i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
