I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
