He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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