He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Operation Purity has been aborted
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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