Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
