she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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