We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
