I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
