You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
