Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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