standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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