so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
