so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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