this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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