Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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