So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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