Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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