I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
