the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
