I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're like the curious george of whores
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize