I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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