ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
