There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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