It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
