i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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