I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
