the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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