Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
