I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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