I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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