Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
