I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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