i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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