My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
