I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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