come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
