Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
