I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
