Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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