I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
