I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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