Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
