i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize