I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
