My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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