I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
