Someone shit on the floor
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
