fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
