she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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