I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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