He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
