Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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