He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
