your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How's work?
Spinning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
