rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
