I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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