my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
