she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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