its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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