oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
