you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize