You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
