tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
