Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
