Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
