I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
