I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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