would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
