Got a toothbrush?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
