If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
