My hand turned me down
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
