You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
