i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
